Choosing Presents
Every year without fail I produce a list divided into subsections (books, DVDs etc.) of ideas for Christmas gifts for myself. This is a list which has been in formation since the beginning of the year. Every time I spot something I’d like I’ll either buy it, or add it to the list. The list is then circulated around the family near Christmas. This year I went further and provided prices of the items complete with a suggested retail outlet.
I believe that this holds a great deal of benefits and is very economical. It saves people asking me over the ‘phone what I’d like and it saves them from buying me something I either don’t need, or already have. Saying that, I did receive three copies of Michael Crichton’s ‘Timeline’ last year. I’m a bit nervous though; this year I added to the Miscellaneous section of the list ‘A surprise’. Knowing me, I’ll receive three of the same.
Buying presents for other people is what I dislike. It’s not the cost, it’s the fact that they haven’t gone to the trouble of producing a nicely formatted Christmas list. I feel that whatever I’m going to buy them will simply be discarded with a sneer and mocking laugh. I can only buy stuff I think they will like. I asked my grandmother today what one of my Uncles may like.
“I think he’d like something humourous”
What, like a whoopee cushion? A pretend plastic dog turd? I encounter these problems every year without fail.
Here, however is what your pet dog has always wanted, this was culled by my Aunt from the Lytham St Anne’s Express…
“The RSPCA’s Longview Animal Centre held its Christmas open day on Sunday, when owners were invited to take their dogs to see Father Christmas. He is pictured with Christmas fairy Amy Shaw and former rescue dog Benji in his grotto at the animal home.”
Oh dear. This makes me feel so sad. Rushed off his arse every year because of the ever increasing child population, Father Christmas now has to deal with the inanity of delivering to pets as well. I stopped believing in Santa around the age of 11 perhaps, Benji in the picture there is about 4 I’d estimate – making him 28 in dog years. I bet all of Benji’s friends are laughing at him because their sane owners aren’t dumb enough to take them along. They’d probably already made their Christmas lists. Note the embarrassed look on Benji’s face. It almost seems as though he understands the humility.
I feel worse for the actor portraying old Saint Nick at the Animal Centre. Think of him describing his job to others.
“Yeah, I’m working this Christmas as Santa Claus…”
“Ahh, how sweet! Aren’t the little kiddies adorable?”
“Well, I’m the Father Christmas for dogs. Some are cute, others bite me.”
Imagine the agony this guy goes through questioning the dogs sat on his lap as to what they’d like for Christmas knowing that:
a) they’re unable to respond anyway
b) the dogs are looking at him with pity in their eyes
He must go home every day and weep at the pointlessness and sheer absurdity of his job.
So the moral of this tale is ‘make life easy on yourselves and others – make a Christmas list. Otherwise, if you’re a a dog you may be taken to see Santa and get laughed at by your canine friends.’ And also ‘Don’t get a stupid job.’