cake in milk

High-res

Tucked away on a pub toilet door in Earl’s Court amongst the usual “For big bum fun call…” and the less common “For empathetic friendly chat, call…” was this terrifying offer.

I hope to never visit Earl’s Court again.

High-res

This 17th Century artwork hangs in a gallery at the Victoria and Albert Museum in Kensington. Commonly known as ‘Colonel Smith Grasping the Hind Legs of a Stag,’ it depicts the true story of Colonel Sir William Smith assaulting a rogue deer which had the temerity to trespass into his garden and eat some plants. As was the wont of the over-wealthy in that time, any minor triumph over nature would be immortalised in an oil painting.

Accompanying it is a poem in Latin describing and celebrating the bravery of the Colonel but, in a kind of Dinosaur Comics-esque endeavour, members of the public are invited to write their own narrative to the image. Here are a couple that amused me:

“I’m going to take off! I’m going to take off! Just a few more feet and the age-old dream of human kind will be realised!”

“Forgive me,” barked the stag, “I have no wings, and consequently no propensity for flight.”

“I don’t believe you!” shouted Smith.

From such a mad dream one presumes Smith will never awake, no matter how threadbare his jerkin wears.

Anon

Colonel Smith looked behind him, confident that he was winning. Sure enough, ten yards behind him was Lieutenant Jones, clinging on to the pig’s legs but definitely slowing down; Captain Murrell had almost wrenched off the legs of his dog; and poor Private Amber was bellowing furiously at his frog, still on the start line.

Greg John, London

Source: collections.vam.ac.uk

“I like to think I approached the backstage hookup with style, whereas Mario was just an unabashed slut, hitting on anything with a respiratory system. Mark-Paul, for years and years, was never seen with a girl on set. I was the true Super Pimp.”

Dustin Diamond, Behind the Bell

King’s Boulevard is one of my favourite places for lunch in London. During the latter half of the week a selection of different traders from the Eat St collective set up stalls with a variety of mouthwatering dishes on offer.

Unfortunately, being based near King’s Cross it means I generally have to skip work for the day to visit, which doesn’t always go down so well. Thankfully at the end of March seven stalls opened during the weekend so I took a couple of friends along to gorge on far too much food in the name of research/greed.

And they’ve just recently announced a residency at Chelsea’s Imperial Arms on Friday and Saturday evenings. West Londoners rejoice!

www.eat.st

The Palace Under the Alps: Home of Has-Beens, Somerset

palaceunderthealps:

For anyone who has wondered what Madame Tussaud’s, the famous London waxworks museum, does with its models once they cease to be in the public eye, the answer can be found 125 miles away at the Wookey Hole Caves in Somerset. There the heads of the no longer famous are unceremoniously plunked onto…