The daddy of the tube lines, the Central stretches from West Ruislip to Epping, and as such has the greatest length of track of any tube line.

I once saw a pigeon board the tube at Epping. It wandered around fairly oblivious before startling an old man. He began furiously swatting at it with his newspaper, and shouted incomprehensible abuse at the bird, becoming very red in the face. The pigeon, alarmed at this undue behaviour, attempted to fly away but was unsuccessful in the cramped environment. Soon other passengers became angry at both the old man and the pigeon.

Then a young girl dressed all in white appeared as if from nowhere. She shepherded the pigeon to an empty part of the carriage and gave the old man a withering glare. Both she and the pigeon remained serenely still until we reached the next stop where she ushered it gently out before stepping off the tube herself. The girl glanced back briefly and I nodded at her as if to say “I appreciate your actions, Pigeon Goddess. You have done well, and both I and the pigeon are grateful as a result.”

That is the single most exciting thing which has ever happened on the Central line.

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The stations on the Hammersmith and City line (also known as the Hammersmith and Shitty line due to famously  unreliable service) are quite unique in that they don’t ever specify how long you’ll be waiting for your train. With no electronic signage, and a distinct lack of staff, it’s often difficult to ascertain whether or not it would be quicker to walk.

Stretching from Hammersmith to Barking, the line passes through 29 stations. The tubes on this line are completely identical and as ancient and untrustworthy as the C-Stock in use on the Circle line . They don’t even have pink handrails to differentiate. Quite disappointing all round.

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I was quite lucky to catch this though, despite the lack of people in the carriage, Lee was still rather reluctant to take the picture. These new London Overground trains were introduced in mid-July 2009 but the old stock from the Silverlink service are still very much in use. The new trains feature fancy new fangled sideways seats allowing more people to cram uncomfortably into each carriage. As far as I can tell this is the only innovation.

Using Oyster Pay As You Go on this service is cheaper than other tube services, for no discernible reason, and since the introduction of the new stock has increased from 90p for a single trip to a whopping £1.10. I don’t know why I’m trying to introduce some controversy into this; it’s still perfectly reasonable and quite accessible.

Furthermore I can say with absolute authority that this tube’s ceiling rails are the hardest to reach with feet.

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Says Circle, goes in a circle. No messing around with this line; it does exactly what it says on the tin. These trains are from the late 1960s or 1978 and are due to be replaced by 2012. I really have a problem with using a vehicle that’s older than me.

It’s famous for being the most targeted and, therefore, the public transport winner of the 7th July bombings in 2005 as well as being the de rigueur mode of transport for Circle line pub crawls.

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These trains entered service in the early 1980s, just like me. This is London Underground’s busiest line (though you may not suspect it from the empty carriage I pose in), and I can say with 100% honesty that the District is definitely my favourite tube line. It’s both easy to get from where I live and the monkey bar style handrails allow for numerous permutations of dangling.

Because of its broad reach and number of stations which are located above ground, each carriage on the District line tubes is guaranteed to have at least one EastEnders fan onboard, desperately waiting for the train to stop at the fictional Walford East station. If you see one, it is considered common courtesy to other passengers to gently shoo them off. They are nothing but rats with wings.

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