Toby and Louise
It’s a nice twist of fate that when my Christian friends get married they tend to turn to their most atheist friend to assume Best Man duties. I suppose it kind of balances the Universe out. This had happened before in a few years ago with Nathan’s wedding and, as I learnt from several excited texts from Tenerife in July 2009, was going to be the role I’d play for the wedding of Toby, a friend from University days, to Louise, who I knew from my History A-Level class.
“She said yes!” came the first text, and further updates expanded upon the proposal under the palm tree by the sea… I crassly reminded Toby that rather than sending me these messages, they should be celebrating the engagement by “less texting, more sexing.” It says something that the next time I heard from them was after they’d landed back at Gatwick Airport.
Since I saw them together for the first time early last year I could tell they were a great couple. All of the annoyances, the little foibles that Toby had were met with a hearty “Lighten up,” from Louise. And he did; it was remarkable.
The ceremony was held at Butley Priory near Woodbridge in Suffolk. A fantastic venue completely isolated from the outside world. Organisation of the day by the staff was faultless, and even a bit of rain failed to have any negative impact. It was a glorious magical day from start to finish and I was honoured to play the role of Best Man alongside Greg, a teacher from Kirkley High who did a grand job of MC’ing. My speech went okay, marred only by mild heckling from the groom at points.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Barry. Hello. I met Toby in 1999 in the illustrious and hallowed lecture theatres of De Montfort University, or Leicester Polytechnic. We shared the fact that we came from Suffolk, we were born on February the 18th, and we were both under the deluded impression that Leicester would be a nice place to spend three years of our lives.
It was quite early on in our friendship that Toby announced that he had a list of life goals, one of them being to be married before he was 30, so… his birthday was in February… (waggle hand) I think he gets half points for that. But I think it’s only fair to Louise to mention that another of his life goals was to be divorced by 40.
Toby was the only person in our group of friends to go abroad for his placement year, to Ireland. We flew out to visit him for a couple days in late November of 2000 only to discover that he had developed an Australian accent. We never really did figure that one out. It was in Ireland too that he grew his big bushy ginger beard. We’ve never really figured that one out, either.
After University Toby and I were both unemployed for a time. We’d regularly travel to Norwich with a large pile of pre-printed CVs ready to hand to the agencies, and then celebrate our joblessness with a trip to the cinema and then to Pizza Hut to eat just platefuls of cherry tomatoes. I’m pleased to say that Toby’s record of 52 remains unbeaten. When I moved to London and found that I’d been replaced on these cinema trips with Louise I knew there must be something special about her.
By this time he’d moved into his dream position at the school of middle-management. From what I can gather his job entails demanding copious amounts of tea from his minions while colouring in various pointless graphs.
“Toby or not Toby…” is how I like to imagine he phrased the proposal. Everyone was over the moon to hear about the engagement. They’re perfect for each other.
And Lou has calmed Toby down a lot. We have plenty of affectionate nicknames for him – Toby Wan Kenobi, Tobeasaurus Rex, Tobelerone, The Tobemeister General, but when we joked that Toby was the Washington Sniper he actually threatened to sue for defamation of character.
Toby’s a lot more polite now too. Previously we’d visit his flat or, as it became known, the Tobeshack, to greeted with “When are you leaving?” Nowadays when his friends ask if he can come out to play it’s a much more believable “Sorry, I can’t, I’m helping Lou wash her hair”. That’s a reference to your balding, Toby.
As everyone undoubtedly knows, one of Toby’s great passions is for Norwich City Football Club. He’d happily bleat on for hours about their lack of progress. Now, with Louise in his life, he has this new, interesting source of conversation about a woman he adores who isn’t called Delia Smith.
So, to conclude, as someone who’s known both of them longer than they have known each other I feel it’s safe to say I have a pretty good handle on their relationship. Certainly moreso than either of them or close family members might. And in my honest and valued judgement their marriage will be… successful!
To Toby and Louise!